---

Shayne and I first met in 2007 while I was serving as the Navigating Officers Yeoman on the Frigate HMAS Parramatta. On the day the ship sailed for a three month overseas deployment a fresh faced, bubbly blonde girl called Shayne joined us.

Shayne was 18 and had not long been out of her category training; I was 28 and for the most part had been in the navy since 2001. I had completed my initial four year contract and left but rejoined the navy again in 2006. I did several months in Canberra before moving to Cairns to join the Fremantle Class Patrol Boat HMAS Ipswich. I remained on HMAS Ipswich until we decommissioned it in May 2007, where I then moved back to Sydney and joined HMAS Parramatta.

Shayne is one of four girls whose father was in the Royal Australian Air Force, and they grew up in Western Australian, Northern Territory and New South Wales. Because of the moving around, Shayne did not have the best schooling and found it hard to motivate herself with her education. Around the time she was 16 going on 17 she started working at Big W under a school based traineeship which resulted in her attaining a Certificate II in Retail. She soon realised she wanted to do something more and joined the navy. She completed her basic training which led on to her category training as an Officers Steward and then she moved to Sydney.

While we were serving together on HMAS Paramatta; over the couple of months, we were away overseas visiting different ports Shayne, and I struck up a great friendship. We were getting along really well enjoying exploring and experiencing the different cultures of the countries we visited. On that particular trip we visited Singapore, Hong Kong, Shanghai, Sasebo, Maizuru, Vladivostok and Cebu. This was my second overseas deployment with the navy, but different ports, and for Shayne it was her first time.

For the rest of my time on HMAS Parramatta Shayne and I attempted to form a relationship, but I had been pushing to move back to Patrol Boats in Cairns because I preferred the lifestyle, Sydney does not suit me. Shayne loved the Sydney lifestyle and did not want to move.

Shayne was also young and had been through a lot of changes in a short space of time. She was never any good at expressing her emotions and just went along trying to make other people happy instead of herself. She did not quite know how she felt about her relationship at the time, and she did not really know her true feelings about me. At the start of 2008 I was on the road making my way back up to Cairns and had pretty much cut contact with Shayne.

Ships that pass in the night

Over the next few years we had very intermittent contact with each other, it was a a brief phone call or text message here and there but other than that we did not have anything to do with each other until 2010 when I was on the tanker HMAS Sirius, which was based out of Western Australia. We sailed in to Sydney because we had been taking part in war games off the coast. While alongside I was duty one night and Shayne came to visit me on the ship. We had a pretty good time chatting until just after midnight, but we did not talk to each other again after that night, until December 2011.

In December 2011 I was going through a messy relationship break up and had my Christmas plans thrown into disarray. I ended up going back to Hobart to be with family, and while I was there, I sent Shayne a text message which resulted in a lengthy phone call. She had recently ended a long-term relationship. We talked on and off over the next couple of days but then she revealed she had started seeing someone else and he was getting jealous of us talking all the time. I told her not to talk to me ever again; her boyfriend also made her delete my contact details.

I had become accustomed to going with the flow and not worrying too much about where I was going or what I was doing but all the while depression was building up more and more inside me. Navigating Depression

Finding our way back to each other

In April 2012 Shayne had surgery on her knee for a torn ACL and spent several months off work. In May Shayne attempted to contact me again, she asked a mutual friend for my phone number, but I was not interested in talking to her. After the ordeal of my previous relationship and a few other incidents that happened, SIEV 36, things were starting to take a toll on me mentally. I had decided I would leave the navy again but this time I was planning to travel around Australian doing odd jobs here and there and generally taking time out for myself.

My plan was to hit the road and eventually make my way back to Hobart. Then one night my dad called, after a lengthy chat we were about to hang up when he mentioned a friend of mine had been trying to get hold of me and called his home number looking for me. At that time Dad was living in Karratha, Western Australia, and his phone number was listed in the phone book. He could not remember the girls’ name, and I asked, “Shayne?”. He said yes that was her. I got off the phone and sat on the couch thinking about what Dad had just said and also the several attempts Shayne had already made to contact me. I decided she must be serious about wanting to talk to me, either that or she was starting to up the stalking game.

I sent her a message saying I would hear her out. She called me and for the first time since I had known her, I listen to her trying, in a way only she can, to tell me how much she liked me and that she really wanted to see if we could have a relationship. She told me about her ACL injury, and she was currently staying at her Mum and Dads place in Newcastle, she also told me she had broken up with the latest boyfriend. She then went on to tell me, even though I had met her grandparents’ years earlier in Perth while we were on HMAS Parramatta, that she finally told her Mum about me and how she felt towards me. Her Mum told her she needed to contact me and that is how she ended up calling my dad, in an attempt to get hold of me.

Because of my rocky past with relationships, especially my last one, I was not overly keen on a relationship. A couple of days later she flew over to Perth to spend a week with me, injured and all. We had a pretty good week with each other and from then on over the following months we would try and catch up for weekends by flying across the country; more so me though in the long run, I had more money, and it was easier for me. With the time difference I was normally finished by lunchtime on Fridays, I would get home check flight times then book a flight to Sydney to spend the weekend with her. It is amazing the lengths some people go to for some loving.

I changed my mind about leaving the navy and revoked my paperwork. Without realising it I had started to develop a bit of a pattern of being a Yoyo, but it had been noticed by my career managers. Because of this I was told I was getting sent to Sydney to join the new Landing Ship HMAS Canberra, that was soon to be commissioned. I was not happy about being sent to Sydney again, but Shayne and I were working things out, so that would be the bonus. A week after the official notice came out for my transfer, Shayne was offered promotion to Leading Seaman to a position in Darwin. I did not want to move to Sydney if she was not going to be there. Luckily, it was realised there were a shortage of Leading Seaman Boatswains Mates in the west, so my transfer was cancelled, and I remained in the west.

Smooth sailing in our lives is rare

Due to a series of events that had happened over my life I continued to head down a very dark path until I eventually suffered a breakdown and was diagnosed with depression and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). I felt completely lost at sea; I had no idea what I was doing or what direction my life was going to take. I had lost all interest in my job and social life.

Shayne later went on to complete her promotion courses and the second course was held at HMAS Cerberus in Victoria. I flew down to meet her on completion of her course and we stayed a night at a hotel in Frankston before driving back up to Sydney. She was then going on a family holiday to New Zealand before driving up to Darwin to start her new position.

I flew back to Perth not knowing when I would see her again. At the end of her holiday she found out her grandfather in Perth had passed away, so her mum and some of the family flew to Perth. At this stage I was house sitting for a mate who was away so Shayne stayed with me at his place.

After the funeral they flew back to Sydney and Shayne packed up her unit and drove to Darwin with one of her sisters. While they were travelling Shayne started to feel sick and her sister insisted she take a pregnancy test, yep, sure enough it came back positive. She took a few more tests over the next few days and they all returned the same result.

Shayne called me and told me right away; I was not exactly sure how I felt about the whole thing, I think I was happy, but I also felt emotionally numb because of depression. Shayne arrived in Darwin and on her first day at work she had to go to the medics for a blood test to find out for certain if she was pregnant. On the Wednesday, her birthday, the medics called and said, “Happy Birthday, congratulations you’re pregnant”.

From the first moment Shayne started work in Darwin she was met with conflict from her supervisor. That in itself is another story which will be great to write about one day; it is a story about two different life circumstances clashing in the workplace only to end up working with each other again in the future.

Being newly promoted, pregnant and in a volatile workplace, it was having an effect on Shayne. I was an instructor based in the west at the time, I was asked to assist training in Darwin, which I happily accepted. Shayne started suffering morning sickness, that’s what we thought, but she was also stressed from her treatment in the work place. She was eventually put on half days but her supervisor increased her work load. I started to notice on weekends, and eventually her days off, she was hardly sick at all.

Eventually Shayne’s supervisor left but the work environment did not get any better so we consulted the OBGYN, the midwife and the base doctor and they all concluded Shayne needed to go on stress leave, she was removed from the workplace, spent some time on leave in Darwin, and moved to Perth so we could live together.

During this time, I had joined the Frigate HMAS Warramunga and was deployed to border protection operations. Shayne had to move into the new house and set it up, mostly on her own but with the assistance of a mate or two of mine she had never met before. She was now in another new location, heavily pregnant and did not know anyone. Once the house was set up, she got permission from the doctor to fly to Newcastle to be with her parents until I could fly back.

In 2013 our gorgeous son, Harrison, was born; followed by our beautiful daughter Elayna in 2020, and finally our third child, Charlie, was born in 2021.

In January 2015 we married at a beautiful place called Hawley House in Tasmania.

Thank you for coming aboard to read about some of my experiences. I hope you enjoy them, and I welcome you to comment or contact me at any time.

Regards, Adrian.

Edit, 5/10/2024: Since the creation of this blog in 2019, life has been extremely busy, with lots of ups and downs, and unfortunatly more downs than ups. I am still having lots of experiences, and they are giving me ideas for plenty more content, which I hope to share with you all soon.

Note: I am not a qualified professional in the fields of parenting or relationships. Contained within these Posts are mine, and my friends, opinions based on personal experiences.

Follow Blog

Get new content delivered directly to your inbox.